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  #1  
Old 02-12-2006, 05:41 PM
OTKspanker OTKspanker is offline
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Default Spanks of Hazzard

Spanks of Hazzard
by OTKspanker
w/ apologies to Gy Waldron

It was another beautiful morning in Hazzard County, Georgia and at the Duke family farm Uncle Jesse was going over the accounts. Now the Duke family weren’t the poorest in the county but they weren’t the richest either and as the white-bearded patriarch tallied the monthly figures he suddenly stopped as if he’d seen spacemen drinking at the Boar’s Nest bar.
“Daisy!” He called, “Daisy Duke come here this instant.” Young Daisy Duke was bounded into the kitchen dressed in her usual attire of tight vest and cut-off denim shorts. The shorts had become so associated with the young woman ‘round Hazzard way they were known as Daisy Dukes. This morning Miss Daisy had decided to wear a particularly short pair that left the bottom of her bottom peeking out. She would soon come to regret that.
“Hey Uncle Jesse, what’s all the hollering for?” She said with a smile and a hand on her hip.
“I’ll tell you what all the hollerin’s for missy,” He snarled. “I here doing our monthly accounts and $50 is missing from your last paycheck.”
“Well it is my money.” Protested the youngest of the three Duke cousins.
“That’s as maybe Daisy but we all agreed to put any money we earned into the bank this month to cover the increase in rates and taxes Boss Hogg put through. We were relying on that money.” Daisy looked at her feet shyly.
“It’s not my fault Uncle Jesse, really it’s not. I was on my way home from the Boar’s Nest when I saw these darlin’ boots in the window of Mrs Landingham’s. Don’t you think they’re just the best?” Daisy put one leg on up on the table so Uncle Jesse could see the boot, barely aware of the lithe leg leading to inside thigh she was exposing to her guardian. Suddenly the room seemed rather hot as Uncle Jesse tore his eyes away from the almost indecent crotch of the short shorts to the new boot he was supposed to be looking at. The design was stars-and-stripes with actual silver stars embossed into the leather.
“Well they are patriotic I’ll give them that,” He said calmly before exploding into anger. “But That’s No Excuse For Breaking A Promise To The Family!” Immediately tears welled up in Daisy’s eyes as she realised the error of her ways. Through broken sobs she tried to apologise.
“I’m sorry Uncle Jesse, I’ve been bad, I know that. And I’ll work double shifts all next month to make up for it I promise.” The white-haired Southerner was on his feet and hugging his young niece in no time at all but as he consoled the crying Daisy he also gave her some bad news.
“Now I’m sure as sure can be you’re as sorry as you say you are,” He said. “But you know how we do things in this house and for breaking a promise that’s a good old fashioned strapping.” It took a moment for this to register but when it did fresh sobs and tears echoed around the little farmhouse.
“Please Uncle Jesse, not a strapping.” Holding her at arms length Jesse Duke spoke slowly and clearly.
“Now Daisy you know it’s for your own good and you know if Luke or Bo did something like this they’d get the same, don’t you?” Miss Daisy nodded sullenly. “So I want you to take your shorts and nether-garments down and be bent over this table when I get back from getting the strap, you hear?”
“Yes Uncle Jesse.” Daisy replied wiping away tears with the back of her hand. And Daisy did as she was told when Jesse left, unpopping the button on her denim Daisys ad pulling the zip down slow. Despite the illogicalness of it Daisy always prepared for punishment slowly in the hope of a last minute reprieve. They never came though. With her thumbs in the waistband of her panties Daisy Duke pushed both underwear and denim down to her ankles then shuffled over to the kitchen table. Leaning on her elbows she was sure it was no accident the accounts, and the missing $50 entry circled in red, were right in front of her nose.
Uncle Jesse was soon coming down the stairs, the strap swinging from his right hand. It was an old shaving strop that, over years of careful application to miscreants’ rumps had taken on a rich dark shine. Jesse almost dropped it as he got to the bottom of the stairs and saw what awaited him in the kitchen. Bent over the kitchen table Daisy presented two pert tanned buttocks and between her legs just the hint of a wisp of brown hair to match that on her head. The flesh of Daisy’s backside quivered as she trembled with nervousness at her impending discipline and this only made the whole tableau even more appealing to the dear old man. Shaking himself straight Uncle Jesse banished all carnal thoughts.
“Come on Jesse Duke,” He told himself. “You’ve got a job to do.” And with that he strode purposefully into the farmhouse kitchen. Placing himself to the left of his young niece Uncle Jesse measured the distance, making sure the end of the strap would land in the centre of Daisy’s right cheek.
“You’ll get ten.” Uncle Jesse decreed and Daisy’s tensed. But nothing happened…
For a moment Daisy Duke thought a reprieve had finally come but then she heard the crunch of tyres on gravel and the blaring of “Old Dixie”. The General Lee was home and with it her cousins, Bo and Luke Duke. Soon enough the two young men walked in through the backdoor then stopped.
“Well, well,” Said Luke. “Look who’s finally getting a taste of Old Leather.” Blonde haired Bo chuckled.
“Say Daisy be careful you don’t catch a chill now.” Daisy went to stand but a strong hand on the small of her back kept the young lady bent over.
“Oh I don’t think there’s any chance of that Bo,” Said Luke. “Not with the fire Uncle Jesse’s about to light in her derriere.”
“Derry-what now?” Asked the confused Bo.
“It’s French stupid, it means butt.” Explained the older brown-haired cousin.
“Now boys listen here,” Said Uncle Jesse. “You two had better stop teasing your little cousin here or you’ll be taking her place once her strapping’s done, now is that what you want?” The smiles on both Duke boys faces disappeared quicker than a chicken at a fox convention.
“No Uncle Jesse.” They replied in unison.
“Good. Now pull up a chair each as I want you two to be reminded of what happens in this house if you break a promise.” Bo and Luke did as they were told, seating themselves directly behind their young cousin and her exposed rear end. While Uncle Jesse intended this as deterrent from future bad behaviour the boys merely saw it as a reward for not getting caught. Daisy stayed in position throughout and soon enough felt the strap tap-tap-tapping her butt once more.
“You ready Daisy?” Uncle Jesse asked.
“As I’ll ever be.” Replied Miss Daisy.

FREZZE FRAME. Balladeer: Now if you thought they’d be no more interruptions then you must be a stranger to Hazzard County.
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2006, 05:43 PM
OTKspanker OTKspanker is offline
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Default Part Two

Just as Jesse brought his arm back there was a thundering knock on the front door.
“Open up!” Called Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane. “I now you’re in there.” Luke looked to his Uncle who nodded then went to answer the door. The second he did Roscoe, Enos and Boss Hogg all piled into the small front room as if they owned the place.
“There they are,” Cried little Boss Hogg pointing at Daisy’s new boots, just visible underneath her shorts and panties. “There they are. Roscoe I want you to arrest those boots and take them into evidence immediately.” When no stuttering reply came from his tamed law enforcement officer JD Hogg looked ‘round and found both the sheriff and his deputy transfixed. Looking back into the kitchen Boss noticed for the first time the half-naked young lady bet over the kitchen table. “Oh my.” He said eyes wide as dishes. Once more young Daisy made to get up but once more a strong hand held her down.
“Now listen here you three hooligans,” Started Jesse. “You can’t be barging into people’s private abodes without neither a bye nor leave. What’s all this about?” Quietly Luke shut the front door and returned to sit next to his cousin and stare idly at Daisy bottom.
“This is all about thems boots,” Cried Boss Hogg. “And how they were ordered and reserved especially for my young niece Felicia who’ll be coming into town in less than one hour.”
“Is this true Daisy?” Jesse demanded.
“I swear I know nothing about any of that stuff Uncle Jesse, really I don’t. Mrs Landingham sold me these boots fair and square, although I already wish she hadn’t.” Snapping out of his transfixtion Roscoe began to stutter.
“W, well, well Mrs Landingham did say it was an accident Boss so really there’s nothing much we can do about it, under the law.”
“I don’t care about the law Roscoe,” Said Hogg before he could stop himself. “What I mean to say is I know this is not a legal matter. I just needed your assistance in tracking down the boots so I could buy them back before you fat sister finds out her favourite niece has no present waiting for her.”
“Well buying boots will have to wait,” Said Uncle Jesse. “We’ve got some family discipline to take care of and it’s been delayed long enough.” Then, without a moment’s more waiting Uncle Jesse swung the strap that landed with a crack across both buttocks of Daisy Duke. She let out a pained cry but stayed in position as the second swing was lined up. Bo, Luke, Roscoe, Enos and Boss JD Hogg all stared at the spectacle before them with talk of boots and nieces forgotten.
The second stroke landed as true as the first adding further fire to the pain in Daisy’s butt and colour too as both buttocks went from pink to red. Third, fourth, fifth landed in quick succession and soon young Miss Duke was hopping from foot to foot and burying her head in her hands.
“Half way Daisy, are you sorry for what you did?”
“Yes sir.” She replied.
“What she do?” Bo asked Luke in a whisper.
“I dunno.” He replied with a shrug and not really caring to know the cause of their cousins whooping. Uncle Jesse landed the sixth stroke a mite lower, across the crease between buttock and thigh and the seventh across both thighs causing Daisy to cry out and start sobbing uncontrollable. Happy with getting the desired result Uncle Jesse landed the final three strokes half-heartedly. Daisy’s behind glowed incandescent and the tensing and untensing of her cheeks threatened to expose her final secret to the assembled audience. Uncle Jesse gently laid a hand on his niece’s shoulder and on shaking legs she rose and turned ‘round. Enos fainted.
Realising her exposure Daisy pulled up her panties and short shorts. While Roscoe tried to revive poor Enos Boss Hogg had his wallet out and was offering a crisp new hundred-dollar bill to the wet-faced young woman. Looking at Uncle Jesse Daisy kicked off the new boots and took the hundred dollars she was being offered. Boss snatched up the boots and waddled off. Roscoe followed as quick as he could, dragging a still unconscious Enos after him. Bo and Luke glanced at one another then both raced off to the bathroom leaving just Uncle Jesse and Daisy. She stuffed the bill into the front of his dungarees and then fell into his arms.

“Cut!” Yelled the director. “That’s a wrap. That was perfect Denver and you did splendidly Cathy.”
And with that the two actors went off to enjoy not being related to one another in their shared dressing room.

The End
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  #3  
Old 02-12-2006, 05:54 PM
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LilWildcat LilWildcat is offline
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:funny:

Now THAT was definitely different!
Thanks OTK for the laugh!


lilwildcat
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  #4  
Old 02-12-2006, 08:32 PM
mark snow mark snow is offline
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Yes very good. I like it. LOL
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  #5  
Old 02-12-2006, 11:18 PM
Razor Razor is offline
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Now that was Kool as hell OTKspanker.

I'll defintely buy you a pint or two in Vegas.

Thanks, R.
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  #6  
Old 02-13-2006, 12:31 AM
kay_be kay_be is offline
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That was brilliant, OTK!

I don't think I've ever laughed so much this early in the morning...

katie
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  #7  
Old 02-13-2006, 04:24 AM
moose moose is offline
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Congratulations OTK - a witty and clever take on the subject :funny:

Moose
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  #8  
Old 02-13-2006, 08:53 AM
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juju_bees juju_bees is offline
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A lot of fun to read OTK! Great job! I am particularly impressed at your command of the southern lingo, being from the UK! My son just brought home the Dukes of Hazard movie not long ago, so I was really into this, having just seen that!
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  #9  
Old 02-13-2006, 10:25 AM
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Victoria Wood Victoria Wood is offline
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Bravo. I'd love to see Jessica Simpson take the strapping for that scene.
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  #10  
Old 02-14-2006, 01:56 AM
LV-Racer LV-Racer is offline
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Very good OTK!!!
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