Incorporating a Discipline Contract into a spanking relationship.
There are many aspects to a spanking fetish that people find exciting. There is the actual physical act of spanking. This generally will stimulate nerves in the area of the genitals and produce sexual excitement. A big part of it is the submissive aspect. As a grown adult, being ordered by someone to remove some of your clothes, to have to stay still while someone inflicts pain upon your body, to cooperate and sometimes even assist in your own punishment is a very submissive act. All of these put together make for a very dynamic and powerful experience. One of the things I think is often missing from the equation is the element of being in trouble. This is one of the most powerful aspects of spanking scene, but often is neglected.
Sure, there is often role playing and people assume the various roles to try and add the punishment aspect to a scene. But playing a “naughty girl” and actually being one are two entirely separate experiences. The tough part is finding a way to realistically be “in trouble” as an adult. This article will focus on the creation of a “discipline contract” between consenting adults.
Our goal is to create a situation in which the person who receives the spanking actually has a real reason to be spanked, to take the scene beyond a playful spanking and to add the discipline or punishment element to the whole process. I think if you talk to those who fantasize about being spanked, less than half of the fantasy revolves around actually being spanked. In their mind they spend a lot of time focusing on being in trouble, being lectured, and the fear and apprehension preceding their spanking. Put all of these together and we are not just dealing with a spanking, we are dealing with a punishment.
An effective way to add this entire element is through the use of a discipline contract. Simply stated, this is a document that provides a list of offenses that can be committed that will result in corporal punishment. The contract can be as simple or as detailed as you like. Some people like to list every offense and what the resulting punishment will be for each offense. Often going as far as stating what the punishment will be for each instance of a single offense. Others just like to list offenses, making the resulting punishment a complete surprise.
I feel it is best to start simple. One of the main things to consider is the dynamics of the relationship. The offenses should start off simple and fairly harmless. You do not want to put items on the list that are a major source of friction between the partners. If there is a subject that often leads to arguments, when getting started, we do not want to include this. The whole purpose of the discipline contract is to add some fun and excitement to spanking relationship. Including things that are a constant source of tension will lead to resentment from the spankings. When originally drafting the contract, all offenses should be mutually agreed on before hand. This covers all the bases and makes sure both parties involved are comfortable with the agreement.
The whole point is to setup a cause and effect situation. The person bound to the duties and tasks of the contract will know that participating in the undesirable behavior will lead to consequences in the form of corporal punishment. This creates a real life situation of an adult actually being in trouble. It allows for punishments to be “earned”. It allows for a spanking to actually be deserved.
As you grow more comfortable with the contract, you may try to add some things that are a little more important in your lives. It may actually allow for the reduction of a behavior that both parties find undesirable and would like to eliminate. My personal experience has shown that if you really want to use the contract to make real changes in someone’s life, the punishments need to be fairly hard. Spanking someone for an offense when they enjoy being spanked, does little to control an undesirable behavior. But, if taken to a level that truly provides long term discomfort, they may think twice before committing the same infraction again. It is a fine line and sometimes a difficult one to balance. If you are very serious about making changes, then you may need to incorporate other elements, beyond that of spanking, which you know the person does not like. Then, regardless of how much they enjoy being spanked; there will be negative reinforcement for the behavior, which they will not look forward to. There are many traditional punishments, which still lie within the realm of corporal punishment, that are very effective. The use of corner time, washing the mouth out with soap, loss of privileges, etc., all serve as good deterrents.
Be creative with your punishments; make them feel like a little kid again. Make them feel like they are in trouble and make the punishment fit the crime. Include lots of scolding and make them promise that it will never happen again. Stick within the bounds of the contract and do not abuse your power. This is not a vessel in which to turn your partner into a housekeeper. Do not add things to the contract that both parties do not agree to. Keep it fair, but follow through with each and every punishment. If the infraction makes it onto the contract, there is no warning for the first offense. The contract itself serves the purpose of a warning for every offense. If someone violates any aspect of the contract, an immediate punishment should follow. If a particular offense is repeated often, the intensity of the punishment should increase accordingly.
For a basic sample contract click here www.worldspankingforum.com/contract.htm